Nov/Dec 2009

 Forgiveness Is The Key To Happiness

by Jon Mundy

False Forgiveness

A Sunday School Teacher asked her class what we must do before we can be forgiven of our sin, expecting someone to say that we must repent of our sin. One young man reached back even further and said, "First you must sin." This is the gist of A Course in Miracles. The Course takes the radical view that we have never sinned at all. Therefore, there is nothing to forgive. How is this possible? The world is full of murders, betrayals, thievery, and other terrible sins. This chapter will explain how A Course in Miracles views the world and these seeming sins.

Someone once said, “No one forgets where the hatchet is buried.” We sometimes hear people say, “I can forgive but I cannot forget.” We can each probably think of times when something we thought was long forgotten and well-buried is very much the topic of conversation, "What you did in 2008, when you lost all our money on that horrible investment." It has not been forgotten, so it has not been forgiven. “I can forgive but I cannot forget,” is only another way of saying, “I will not forgive.”

The ego’s plan is to have you see error clearly first,

then overlook it, yet how can you overlook what you have made real?

By seeing it clearly,

you have made it real and cannot overlook it.

 Chapter 9, IV.4:4-6

The ego experiences sin by placing itself in a “holier-than-thou” position from which others may be forgiven for the wrong we think they have done. By witnessing sin, we provide testimony to its reality. We cannot forgive a sin we believe is real. True forgiveness requires a complete reversal in thinking. We need a perspective outside the realm of the ego. The ego version of forgiveness, is thus, not forgiveness but judgment masquerading as forgiveness. We cannot then overlook what we make real. In fact, the more clearly we see error, the more we make it real, and the less we are able to overlook it.

The following is a dialogue between a husband and a wife:

Husband: "Why do you keep bringing up my past mistakes? I thought you had forgiven and forgotten.''

Wife: "I have, indeed, forgiven and forgotten, but I don't want you to forget that I forgave and forgot.”

We may offer pardon sometimes but we retain the awareness that the offender has sinned. This process keeps sin alive. The Course asks us to look beyond the appearance. This is admittedly not easy to do and a great “struggle” while we remain trapped in the ego perspective. Convinced of the reality of “sin” in our brother, it is impossible to see the face of Christ within.

Just before Leonardo Da Vinci commenced work on his Last Supper, he had a quarrel with a fellow painter. Leonardo was so enraged and bitter that he was determined to paint the face of his enemy, the other artist, into the face of Judas. Thus, would he take his revenge and “vent his spleen,” handing the man down in infamy and scorn to succeeding generations. The face of Judas was the first that he finished, and everyone could see it was the face of the painter with whom he had quarreled. When Leonardo came to paint the face of Jesus, he couldn’t do it. Something was thwarting his best efforts. Eventually, he painted out the face of Judas and commenced anew on the face of Jesus, this time with success.

We cannot paint the features of Christ into our own life and at the same time paint a brother's face with the colors of enmity and hatred. When we cannot forgive, we cannot see peace. The statement: "May God forgive you your sins'' is a strange parody. A loving Father cannot bring condemnation upon us. God cannot forgive sin because God does not condemn (Lesson 46, 1:1). In order to have forgiveness, we must first have condemnation. There is no forgiveness in Heaven because it's not needed.

There is a story about a Catholic priest who lived in the Philippines, a much-loved man who carried a burden of guilt about a long past sin. He had committed this so-called sin many years before, during his time in seminary. No one knew of it. There was a woman in his parish who claimed she regularly spoke with the Holy Spirit. The priest was, of course, skeptical about her claim so he said: “The next time you talk to the Holy Spirit, ask him what sin it was your priest committed while he was in seminary.”

The woman agreed and went home. When she returned to church a few days later, the priest said, “Did you ask the Holy Spirit what sin your priest committed in seminary?”

“Yes,” the woman said, “I asked Him.”

“Well,” said the priest, “What did he say?”

The woman responded: “He said, ‘I don’t remember.’”

That is the right answer because the Holy Spirit does not make sin real or seek to compound error. God does not engage in reprisal. God does not know about illusion. We may understand this best in the love we have for our children, when we forgive regardless of what seems to have happened. The past is always the past and can have no effect on the present.

My friend Rabbi Joseph Gelberman escaped Hitler’s growing terror and fled to the United States in 1939, with plans of bringing along his wife, daughter, mother, father, brothers, and sisters. Two of his brothers also made it to the United States. Everyone else died in the concentration camps, including his wife and daughter. Joseph said his hatred for Hitler was so great, that he finally realized that unless he could rise above it and forgive the whole insanity Hitler was going to wind up killing him too. It took many years for him to do so and it tried his faith, ‘til one day he realized that in order for peace to return to his own mind he was going to have to let it go and forgive. As I write this, he is now 97.

Sometimes when I’m asked, “How can I possibly forgive. . . ” I respond, “If you want peace of mind, you don’t have any choice, someday you’re going to let it go, so you might as well let it go now.” As the Course expresses it, “Why wait for Heaven?” (Lesson 131, 6:1)

Forgiveness is a Reciprocal Process

As we extend forgiveness, so are we are forgiven. The Lord’s Prayer says, “Forgive us our debts,” then there is the very important word, ‘as’ “we forgive our debtors.” As giving is a preface to receiving, and judging is a preface to being judged, so forgiveness prefaces our experience of being forgiven. There is nothing to forgive, unless we believe there is. As we forgive by not condemning, we are freed of suffering. In this process, we are healed. As we give, we receive; as we forgive (by not making the error real), so are we forgiven; as we forgive, so do we remember our heavenly home.

During the Korean War, a South Korean civilian was arrested by the communists and ordered shot. But when the young communist leader learned that the prisoner was in charge of an orphanage, he decided to spare him and to kill South Korean civilian’s son instead. So they shot the nineteen-year-old boy in the presence of the father. Later, the fortunes of war changed, and the young communist leader was captured by the United Nations’ forces, tried, and condemned to death. But before the sentence could be carried out, the South Korean, whose son had been killed, pleaded for the life of the communist, saying: “He was young. He did not know what he was doing.” The United Nations’ forces granted his request; and the South Korean civilian took his son’s murderer into his own home.

While God sees no differences among illusions, we certainly do, and forgiving the murder of one’s child is about as tough as it comes. Without the love of God in our hearts, it is impossible to forgive. The South Korean man was filled with that love and it was this which enabled his response. He saw that the murderer was acting insanely and did not know what he was doing. When someone is insane, they need our help, not our attack.

There is No Future in the Past

To make sin real and then try to forgive it, affirms its reality. Our pardon is then a useless attempt to overlook what we think is true. If we make an illusion real, the pardon we offer the world is a deception. We don't really forgive, and we show that we do not, by hanging on to our hurt feelings. The major problem we have in relationship to forgiveness is that we believe we must forgive the truth and not an illusion. If we think that an offense is real, we must then also believe that forgiveness is a lie. (Lesson 134 3:1, 4:2). We demonstrate our knowledge of Heaven by showing others that their so-called sins have not affected us.

This is what Jesus is doing on the cross. It did not matter what they were doing to his body. He knew he was not a body. We overlook mistakes by giving them no effect. Not being affected by "sin," we remove its cause. Jesus did not condemn those who crucified him. Our task is no different than his. We are to teach no one that they can hurt us (T.14, 3, 8:7). Another way to say this is that time cannot intrude upon eternity--the unreal cannot affect the real. The ego lives in time, constantly rehearsing the past and projecting the future. If there is no past, there is nothing to hang on to. There is nothing to project on to; there is just this moment and there is nothing to forgive in the moment. As a popular country western song once expressed it: "There is no future in the past."

Forgiveness does not keep time. It ends it. There must literally be no past to hang on to. When missionaries first went to Labrador, they found that the Eskimos had no word for forgiveness. So they made up a word, which in Eskimo was: Is-suma-gi-jou-jung-naimer-mik which meant, "Not-being-able-to-think-about-it-any-more.''

A missionary who asked a young Eskimo girl if she had made her peace with God replied, "I did not know there was any quarrel.'' In a similar way, Henry David Thoreau on his deathbed was asked by one of his aunts if he had made his peace with God and he said, "We never argued." Bill Thetford, Helen’s companion in the composition of the Course, was once asked how one could know if they were advancing in the Course and he said, “You know by how long you hold a grievance.”

The sooner we let it go the better and if we’re Christ like in our consciousness, we don’t get attached to it to start with. In the story of the woman taken in adultery, the disciples are amazed that Jesus does not see the woman in question as they do; namely, someone with an unsavory reputation.

 When you bury a mad dog, don't leave his tail above ground.

Charles Spurgeon

  The past is the past. What is done is done even if it just happened a minute ago. To forgive means to let it all go--to hold on to nothing. As we forgive by not condemning, we are freed of suffering. In the realm of the ego, no one forgets where the hatchet is buried. We may pretend that we have forgiven, but we cannot forgive a sin we believe is real.

 Unjustified forgiveness is attack.

And this is all the world can ever give.

It pardons ‘sinners’ sometimes,

but remains aware that they have sinned.

And so they do not merit the forgiveness that it gives.

This is the false forgiveness

which the world employs to keep the sense of sin alive.

Chapter 30,VI. 3:5-8 & 4:1

 To witness sin and then try to forgive it is backward thinking. Concentration on error is only further error. We demonstrate our knowledge of Heaven by showing others that their transgressions against us do not have an effect. We can demonstrate, as Jesus did, that we cannot be betrayed. It is not difficult to overlook mistakes once we do not give them any effect over us. (T-30.VI.10:2). By not being affected by “sin,” we remove its cause. Jesus did not condemn those who crucified him. Our task is no different than his. There is no death, and this we demonstrate, by showing that we cannot be hurt.

 The major difficulty that you find in genuine forgiveness on your part is that you still believe you must forgive the truth and not illusions.

For it is impossible to think of sin as true and not believe forgiveness is a lie.

Workbook Lesson 134, 3:1 and 4:2

   The task is to let go so completely that there is no memory of wrong-doing, because there is nothing in us to make things wrong. When faced with attack, criticism, and condemnation, it is helpful to realize that all attack is a call for help. All fear is a call for love. If we think that someone has mistreated us, rather than jumping to a defense, can we not realize that that person has acted out of fear and ignorance? Can we not see mistakes as a call for help?

 … you are merely asked to see forgiveness

as the natural reaction to distress that rests on error,

and thus calls for help.

Forgiveness is the only sane response.

Chapter 30, VI. 2:7-8

Have I Done What I’m Accusing the Other of Doing?

Whenever we feel tempted to accuse someone of being a sinner, it is helpful to ask ourselves if what that person has done is something we would accuse ourselves of doing. In the story of the woman taken in adultery, Jesus suggests that the one who is without sin should cast the first stone. Beginning with the eldest, they drop their stones and walk away. Jesus then turns to the woman and asks, “Woman, where are your accusers?” to which she says, “Lord, there are none.” Jesus then replies, “Neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more.” In other words, “go and do not continue to make the same mistake.” It is the eldest who drops the first stone. The deeper we go in examining our own consciousness, the more we’ve been here, the more we know we have not been able to transition through this world without error.

Everyone to whom we offer healing returns it. Everyone we attack holds it against us. The cost of giving is always receiving. God is the only Cause and God does not cause guilt. What is not of God cannot have power over us (T-14.III.8:1f). We would never attack another unless we believed that that person had somehow taken the peace of God from us. But no one can take the peace of God from us unless we give them that power.

 Forgiveness Must Be Total

 Then Peter went up to him and said “Lord, how often must I forgive my brother if he wrongs me? As often as seven times?”

Jesus answered, “Not seven, I tell you, but seventy times seven.”

Matthew 8:21-22

We cannot forgive some people and not forgive others. There cannot be some things we forgive in someone but other things about that same person we cannot forgive. Forgiveness is not something we do sometimes. To forgive “seventy times seven” means to forgive repeatedly--infinitely, no matter how wrong we might think another has been, no matter how many times we may think we have been abused. The answer remains:

 “Forgive,” Forgive,” “Forgive.”

“Let it go,” “Let it go,” “Let it go.”

   Peace is obtainable when we hold to these ideas:

1. Peace of mind, salvation, and the abundance that comes with it can be our only goal.

2. Through forgiveness, we begin to see everyone, including ourselves, as guiltless. If Jesus, on the cross, can forgive murderers, can we not be more tolerant of lesser sins that we think have been committed against us?

3. As we give up our grievances, we find ourselves becoming increasingly aware of the ever-present, subtle, and gentle guidance of Holy Spirit.

Following Holy Spirit, we do not condemn others. It is then that we can experience peace of mind. With Holy Spirit’s guidance, it becomes possible to know what we are supposed to do and do it.

 As long as we are unforgiving, we can justify the belief that whatever is wrong in the world is caused by something or someone that is outside of us or other than us.

As long as we think there is something we cannot forgive, we block our own way to the Kingdom.

As long as we project guilt and sin upon the world, we ourselves live in confusion and despair.

As long as we live in fear, love has no place in our hearts.

 A Practical Test for Forgiveness

There is a very practical test to see if we have forgiven. If I truly do it, I come to a realization–“I am the one who is forgiven. I am the one who is liberated. I am the one who is now free. It never did have anything to do with the other. What I am letting go of is my own condemnation.” This does not mean that the other may not have done something in the world. The world is full of examples of one brother hurting another. It is also full of miracles. Indeed, most miracles remain unseen. How many acts of forgiveness have occurred about which no one knows anything? There is nothing to fear. No one can take anything from us. To be alive, free, and at peace–forgive. As we forgive, we come to know ourselves the way God created us. Only as we forgive, do we experience the Kingdom of Heaven.

Society cannot permit murder, rape, or other assaults by one body upon others. We lock such folks away because we do not know what else to do. Throughout the 1980’s, I worked as a college lecturer inside both Sing Sing and Bedford Prison for Women, in New York State. There is a sign outside the gate at Sing Sing which says, “Sing Sing, New York State Correctional Institution.” It would be nice to think that this is a place of correction. I taught for over 40 years and in that time, I only gave one A+. The woman who earned it was a student in Bedford Prison. Lisa was an absolute delight. She sat in the front row and was obviously quite bright. She was also funny. We would often do little forms of “intellectual sparking” with each other over various ideas. She earned the A+ because she was the only student I ever had who not only read the text book–she also read every book she could get her hands on in the bibliography at the end of the text.

We teachers were not to inquire after our students crimes. If a student voluntarily told you their crime, that was one thing, but we were not to ask. One evening, I was leaving the prison with another teacher and I asked her if she had Lisa as a student and then said, “Isn’t she the most wonderful student? She is an absolute joy.” And the other teacher, said, “Yes, you know her crime, don’t you? She drowned her daughter in the bath tub.” I did not know. What if I had known her crime before the class began? Would I have come to appreciate, even admire her as much as I did? While working in prison, I got to know many wonderful students as human beings. They made what we would think of as some big mistakes, otherwise they could not have been there; but I got to know them as people not as criminals. Regardless of the egregious nature of our crimes, we are all just people here.

All Forgiveness is Self Forgiveness

 As sin is an idea you taught yourself, forgiveness must be learned by you

as well, but from a Teacher other than yourself, who represents the other Self in you.

Through Him you learn how to forgive the self you think you made, and let it disappear.

Thus you return your mind as one to Him Who is your Self, and Who can never sin.

Lesson 121, 6: 3-5

   Ultimately, there is no one to forgive but ourselves and what we forgive ourselves for is our own misperceptions. We can use a capital 'S' when talking about Self-forgiveness, as we are only capable of forgiving ourselves from a higher point of view. we cannot forgive from the ego's perspective. As the ego’s very nature is hatred and separation, it cannot possibly forgive. Therefore, true forgiveness is prefaced by Self-realization. As we forgive, so are we forgiven. To forgive is to overlook, to relinquish the past, to let go of everything, to hold on to nothing. In the deepest sense, to forgive means to forget--to forget where the hatchet is buried, to let it go to another time, and go on.

   How to Forgive

·  Experience the anger, look at what you think your brother has done. Don’t deny or repress it. Don’t throw it out onto another – don’t attack physically or verbally. Feel it fully, you are really mad.

·  Own your feelings. The Course is about being responsible. No one can “make us” feel, believe, or act in any way. No one can really “make us” feel angry.

·  Give your anger to the Holy Spirit for correction. “Holy Spirit, I have done this thing (getting angry) to myself and it is this I would undo.”

·  Thank the Holy Spirit for His help in forgiveness. This is how love is shared.

Forgiveness Itself is an Illusion

It may sound funny having said so much about forgiveness to now say that forgiveness itself is an illusion. It is an illusion because there is nothing to forgive in the first place. There is something to forgive only if “we think” there is something to forgive.

 Illusions make illusion. Except one.

Forgiveness is illusion that is answer to the rest.

Workbook Lesson 198.2:8-10

Forgiveness is the end of dreaming because it is awakening. Forgiveness is not the truth but it points to where the truth is. Once we have forgiven, we see that forgiveness wasn’t necessary; we just thought it was. As difficult as this may sound, with the development of miracle-mindedness, we gradually begin to see all of life in a wholly different way and what seemed impossible becomes the only way to live.

Peace of mind occurs as we drop our concern with getting. Drop the need to be right, and concentrate on giving. Only then do we truly receive. Inner peace can be achieved only when we have forgiven. Forgiveness is the vehicle for changing our perception and letting go of our fear, condemnations, judgments, and grievances. There is nothing to forgive, unless we think there is. If we think there is something to forgive, then we have chosen to make an error real. We teach our brothers and sisters that they cannot hurt us by not making error real.

 “There is nothing to hold on to.

Nothing!”

 Peace,